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Introduction to Holiday Poetry


My family has a lot of Christmas Day traditions. Like, a lot. We have traditions for when we wake up, what we wear, where and when we open presents, what types of presents we open at which times, when we eat meals, when we take photographs, what we take photographs of, and so on. It’s a whole thing.

One of the more unique traditions we have (probably) is the recitation of poetry—which is done after waking up but before the first round of present opening. In prior years this has usually just been a random missive taken from the internet about love or family or the festive season. Lovey Hallmark-esque stuff, y’know?

Anyway, this year was one for unprecedented times and the new normal, so I wrote a poem instead.

Well fuck
This year started off a bit shit
With Brexit and impeachments
And the way those bushfires got lit, then
A virus came and kicked our asses
Which made everybody have to ass-ess
What we had to do and how to work at home
And then we did that for ever and ever
And ever and ever and ever and ever
And ever ’til life was a monochrome
Mess, and the days kept flying by
With little room to move
And nowhere else to fly
But we all did it anyway
Cuz it’s for the greater good
And it’s no longer faraway
Cuz it’s in your neighbourhood
Fast forward to today and a lot remains unchanged
We’re all increasingly e-stranged, de-ranged
And for that we’ve had to ex-change
Away some of our party favours
So that instead we can be, life-savers
So we’ll use up some silent nights and stay in our quiet homes
Forget the face-to-face in favour of FaceTime on our phones
For a social distance Christmas doesn’t have to be forlorn
But hopefully next time ‘round it’ll be in the new norm